Poodles (hotdogs with apple and maple on a french toast bun)

boo to america yay to hot dogs?

I was in high school when Atlanta got food trucks. It was an event, food trucks! wow! It sort of merged with the bacon in cupcakes period of food trends, but they were fun. Unbelievably, one of the recipes that I have made for the longest time came from the first wave of the food truck fad in Atlanta: poodles!

A poodle is, basically, a hot dog that is a lot more work. This year, Noah suggested that we make them on the Fourth of July, since it wasn’t like we were going to be leaving the house (my throat kind of hurt, and, you know, it’s a weird holiday anyway). I have no official recipe, it’s just sort of what I remember of the component parts of this really good hot dog that I ate when I was 16. Basically it has a few key pieces: a french toast bun, a hot dog (Noah’s addition is spiral cutting them), an apple-maple slaw, spicy brown mustard and maple syrup.

It doesn’t feel good to celebrate the fourth of july, it’s always been an awkward merging of “well I love having the day off at the same time as my friends and I like to put things on a grill” with, you know, patriotism, which is gauche at best. I’m glad that I’m no longer in the period of my life where I attend parties with people who like to “ironically” do patriotism on the fourth, I really prefer to just grill a hot dog and try not to think about it like a normal person.

We’ve been watching the Euros and the Copa America lately because we’re both out of work, and I saw a little girl holding up a sign going into the match between the US and Uruguayan mens teams that said “Hershey Kisses are better than dulche de leche.”

It’s humiliating enough to be an American right now, but we have to lie to ourselves about this too? I won’t do it. I hope that little girl cried when the US lost and got knocked out of the tournament. I hope someday she knows enough to feel embarrassed that she held that sign on national TV. I don’t know if I want to hope for her that she actually eats dulce de leche. It sort of seems like she doesn’t deserve it, but maybe it would make her a better person to realize that actually other places can be better than the US at doing things. (Like having mens soccer teams, trains that run on time, and food that’s not ass (although, again, hot dogs? idk not too bad…))

Anyway… The US should use it’s considerable might to do something good in the world for once (ending the genocide in Gaza is a good start, and man it really seems like whatever half-assed executive order Biden made about settler violence in the West Bank didn’t do shit), the fourth of july is a terrible holiday that my dog hates, but these are good hot dogs. I had a little bit of a cold, and I ate these, and idk if it was staying home all day lying down or the hot dogs, but I feel better today. The fourth is over, thank god, I hope my neighbors used up all their fireworks last night, but you still have ample opportunities to eat a hot dog.

Poodles

Apple slaw

• Half head of cabbage (I used purple this year, because it’s what was around)

• Most of a whole apple

• Mayonnaise (Duke’s is the best, obviously)

• Mustard (grainy kind)

• Apple cider vinegar

• Lots of black pepper

• 1/2 tsp gochugaru

• 3/4 tsp Kosher salt

• 1/2 tsp sugar

With a very sharp knife cut your cabbage into thin strips. Mix with salt and sugar, set aside for 30 minutes or so to sweat.

Once it’s about done, julienne your apple. I did half by hand and got thicker strips than I wanted, then remembered that I have a mandonline and used that. At a certain point using the mandoline feels scary, so I had about 1/8th of the apple left for snacking on. Take mandolined slices and finely slice length-wise so you have apple threads.

Mix 1/4 cup of mayo (maybe), 1 tbs of mustard, a splash of apple cider vinegar, gochugaru and pepper together until smooth. (The gochugaru is not enough to make it spicy, just adds a faint, you know, other flavor). Add apple, toss.

Rinse your cabbage, and pat dry. Once it is dry, add to your sauce.

French toast buns

Okay these are a bit tricky. What you want to do is french toast just the inside of the bun. I used to do both sides. Don’t do this, it makes a hot dog bun that completely dissolves in your hands. This is already a wet situation, don’t make it harder on yourself. To best french toast your hot dog buns, open them up to get a bit stale an hour or so before you start cooking them.

This is for four buns, but would probably do five just as well:

• 2 eggs

• Some milk

• Pinch sugar (optional)

• Cinnamon

I never measure any parts of french toast, I guess you could, but why bother. In a smaller bowl whisk the eggs and milk, maybe 3/4 of a cup. Try to get the eggs well broken up. The color should be reasonably pale yellow. Add to a bowl that is big enough to fit an opened hot dog bun. Add cinnamon and sugar if you want it.

Heat a griddle or frying pan until thoroughly hot. When it is, butter the pan, then dip the inside of your bun in the batter. You don’t want to keep it there for two long, this bread lacks structural integrity.

Finishing

Spiral cut your hot dogs if you like. With a paring knife, slice about 1/2cm into the hot dog, rotating it as you go. Cook in an oiled frying pan until hot and the edges are a bit crispy.

To serve: put spicy brown mustard on the bun. Add hot dog. Add apple slaw. Pour a reasonable amount (i.e. not too much) maple syrup on top. Eat immediately.