Men like to shake my hand after I help them make a candle

A recipe for chicken

One unexpected perk of being the king of candles is being perceived, usually, as Just Some Guy. Unfortunately this is nice for me. The only people who ever call me she are nice liberal women who always make a show of then asking my pronouns. The men who give “would have voted for trump if they bothered to vote” usually just assume that I am a man. This is baffling because like… are they being nice? Can they really not tell? I have no idea. I don’t think I’m particularly discreet, but maybe I pass because when I was in a car on the way to the hospital after Noah’s surgery a driver repeatedly called me “brother” while complaining about schools pressuring his children to be trans. Weird day.

At work I am exposed to a really high volume of heterosexual men, more than I have been around in years. Every day I get multiple straight men on Dates with their Girlfriends or sometimes Wives. I am learning much about the culture and habits of the heterosexual man while working in candles: namely, he likes to shake hands with men.

We don’t see a lot of straight men coming in solo to make candles. We definitely don’t get gaggles of them on a boys night as we do with women and gay men. Men who come in to make candles are almost always accompanying a woman on a date, and those men can be broken down into two general subcategories: those who are being good sports (maybe he likes the candles they have at home! he thinks this is fun!), and those who are humoring the little lady. Very occasionally I get a man who is the one who loves fragrance. This is always a delight, just for sheer novelty.

The men who shake my hand are typically trying to be good sports. They booked the date, and they want to make a candle that won’t embarrass them, but they also either have no taste of their own, or cannot articulate it. When I press them on what they like they usually say “woodsy” scents, which is what about 70% of people say that they like. Sometimes you can get something more specific from them, although usually it’s “pine.” A lot of the time what these men want is actually something that smells like fruit, or a bakery, or both. Men love to make a sweet candle that disgusts their wife. Some of them are probably just like my downstairs neighbor who saw I was getting rid of some 3 wick candles and grabbed them without smelling them. I asked him what he liked and he just said “I love candles!”

Men accompanying their girlfriends often want what I call a “boyfriend candle” which is making something that smells sort of like sweet tar, a mixture of amber, cookie, and woodsmoke smells. Boyfriends love to make this candle. This is usually the scent of a man who is humoring the little lady. You ask him “do you like it?” and he says “I guess.” You say… “okay well if you’re happy with your scent you can go grab a vessel!” and he gets dark green or black.

The men who make boyfriend candles, sweet vanilla and wood do not shake my hand. They don’t need to shake my hand because they never felt fear. They don’t care what they’re doing, really. They just want it to smell “good.” To them “good” is bakery and wood with a little bit of peach, perhaps good is just “done with this girl activity,” I’m not really sure. These men feel certain that they will be happy as soon as they set out, because they have no real taste, and are just going along because their girlfriend likes candles. The ideal smell is “done.”

Men who are really into fragrance don’t typically shake my hand. Is it because they came as a fanatic to see the king of candles on his throne? Is it because we’re equals? Both just guys who… smell stuff? Is it because they aren’t showing off for their girlfriends in that particular way? They’re interested in the task, the outcome, and not just how they look? The only time a guy who was really into fragrances shook my hand was when he, immediately afterwards, said “if you’re ever looking to buy a used Tesla I can get you a good deal.” That’s exactly the sort of person I imagine shaking hands with people. And yet it isn’t just used Tesla salesmen.

Men shake my hand when I keep them from humiliating themselves in front of their girlfriend. My presentation of cool authority makes them feel safe, and they put what I tell them to into their candle, and then their girlfriend smells it and says “this is really good!” They like this. This is because I listen to their girlfriends and make a candle that is more or less reflective of her tastes, while still putting in parts of what they think they like. After this happens sometimes they shake my hand and say “thank you, this was great.”

It’s not just in candles though, men shake my hand a lot now. An old guy at the gym shook my hand the other day after sticking some weight plates beneath my heels while I was squatting. He told me he was a 74 year old former gym teacher. I told him my name, and he said “I’m Joe,” and stuck out his hand. I have no idea what I look like, but I guess people, at least some people, must see me and think “that’s a man” because men did not historically shake my hand like this.

Multiple days a week now some man shakes my hand. Is this normal? Is this just what it’s like? Being a man? When I was a woman I feel like someone shook my hand like…. three to four times a year, but also I was basically a child. Are women out here shaking hands like this? I guess not, since the women in classes never shake my hand. I have never had a woman shake my hand after I help her make a candle. This is just something that men do. Are women shaking hands with each other, but not with men?

Why? What is going on here? I feel like everything on tumblr or whatever about how to be trans covered things like getting surgery, hormones, relationships with your family, I mean there are people out here selling transgender specific sweatpants, I thought they’d covered every possible angle for the transgender thing. Nothing ever talked about how, when you’re a man, people are just out here shaking hands every single day. We just have to get used to this?

I am not practiced at introductions, maybe that’s why this is so strange to me. I took a long time to change my name. I don’t know why (well I do, but I don’t want to talk about it) (okay twist my arm I thought I could make my mom get over the whole trans thing) (whatever I’m so over it) because for years, when I introduced myself, I started dissociating. Like I didn’t feel like it was me saying my name. I thought that this was normal, like maybe everyone blacked out during introductions and got cold sweats, but I think it’s actually not that common.

The result of this is that for as long as I can recall I just avoided introducing myself to people. I don’t know the names of a lot of people who I talk to almost every day on my street because I didn’t want to tell them my name. Now it’s awkwardly late so there’s a lady who just calls me “friend!” and a few guys who call me “boss.”

I introduce myself constantly now. I started at the candle store after I’d changed my name. Nobody at the store knows the old one, nobody even knows there is an old one. Or maybe they suspect but are too polite to ask, I’m not sure. Either way, at the candle store, boyfriends want to introduce themselves to me. They want to be taken care of (straightly) by another man, who they can respect. They definitely don’t shake the hands of my colleagues who are women. The handshake is for the king of candles, a man.

The king of candles makes men feel safe, and ensures that their girlfriends have a nice time, without being threatening (short, likely homosexual). Sometimes they give me 20$, which is amazing. The king of candles lives for a 20$ bill handed over by a straight man who pulls me aside after his girlfriend wanders off to go pee. The handshake is an unfortunate necessity.

Anyway, here’s something I’ve eaten a lot recently. I actually decided that I should finally bite the bullet and go vegetarian, but before I did that I had the last section of a costco pack of chicken breasts that I figured I should cook. Here’s how I did it. Anyway after this you can look forward to more recipes that use TVP.

Pan seared chicken breasts with sweet potatoes

• Some quantity of sweet potatoes

• Garlic powder

• Onion powder

• MSG

• Salt

• Pepper

• 2 chicken breasts

• 2 tsp seasoning salt, your choice (I used a barbeque rub, if yours has no sugar add a pinch or two of sugar)

• 1 tsp smoked paprika

• lots of ground black pepper

• More salt

Preheat oven to 425. Put rack on top. Wash, dry, and chop sweet potatoes. Toss on a pan with a lot of olive oil and seasonings. How much? As much as you like. Roast for about 25 minutes. Toss partway through if you remember.

Heat a pan over medium low heat for a few minutes. Dry chicken, put seasonings on it. Cover thoroughly. Add oil to pan. Sear until browned, flip, do the other side. If chicken is browned enough but still not all the way done stick it in a 425 oven for like ~5 minutes. This is maybe only relevant if you were are simultaneously roasting sweet potatoes.

Depending on the size of your chicken this is enough for like… three meals? wow. I did it with sauteed kale also.