Grits Souffle, and my thoughts on... law and punishment, and the woman who killed my dad
My dad and Joe
My dad was killed by a driver a year and a half ago, more or less. Most of you, I assume, know this. What you may not know is that when you have a family member whose death is a crime, more than a year after the deed itself, the court will start asking for your input on the punishment they will administer (basically we are sent a cryptic and poorly formatted document called a victim impact statement). This is nominally done for us, those who are related to the victim, but is, of course, mostly done for the state. If the woman who killed my dad has to pay a fine, or fees, those fees and that fine will go to a vast number of odd little things, including, possibly, a retirement fund for judges. None of that will go to us, or to maintaining a grave site for my dad (he'd always told me he wanted a family crypt, but we do not have Family Crypt Money, so he was cremated and given away), This money will not be for making the streets in Atlanta safer for those on two wheeled vehicles, or on foot, it will not even go to the trauma center at Grady Memorial Hospital, that tried to save his life. And yes. this bothers me. This causes me grief. I am aggrieved because the state cares about his death solely for extracting something from the woman who is directly responsible, but does not care about his death enough to fix the conditions that lead to his death, which is what would truly be justice.
I do not think this woman should spend even a second in jail, I don't believe in it (it being jail, for pretty much anyone, but that's sort of another story). But I do think there should be some kind of serious consideration for crimes like this, accidental, but still destructive. My dad is dead, because someone took an illegal left turn into him. The way we think about "crime" in America has everything to do with intent. This woman didn't "mean" to kill someone, and so her crime doesn't count. And yet and yet and yet—the effect is the same. My dad is still dead, he is as dead as he would be if she had decided to turn into him. There is no allowance for this sort of thing in our criminal punishment system.
There is no outcome in this case that feels right, because the court is not concerned with what is right. I think the woman who committed this crime should have to talk about it. That's all I want. I think drivers forget that they are the most powerful creatures on the road, driving around in boxes made of steel that have been crafted to protect them, at the cost of those on the outside. A friend once told me that she felt safe driving because she knew everyone on the road was working together to not kill each other. But I do not feel safe driving, or biking, or walking, because I know that this is not true. So I ask you today, this week, and forever, remember when you drive that you have the power to end someone's life, without even meaning to.
I don't have anything funny or clever to say, I have no great insights, I just want you to remember that my dad was a wonderful person, and he is dead because some woman drove into him.
Anyway, in honor of my dad, and because of this goddamn victim impact statement, that I have been carrying around in my mind, because of course I just let it sit there and fester, I'm sharing his recipe for grits souffle. It is one of just two full recipes I can make blind, the other is biscuits.
Tomorrow, or maybe Tuesday, there is a meeting with the prosecutor. I don't know what that looks like, and I won't be there. If you want to do something in memory of my dad this week, and forever, stop laughing off people who drive terribly. If you know someone who is a bad driver, and you are in their car, remind them that they could kill somebody. They might think you're being a wet blanket, but you'll be doing them a favor. And have compassion for those around you on two wheeled vehicles. It is a fight for your life out there.
If you feel so led, you can donate to the Grady Trauma Center here. (They tried to save my dad's life, and it's more on the car than them that they were not able to. They provide an invaluable service to Atlanta).
This is a picture I wound up uploading off my dad's phone, and I found it while looking for other stuff just now.
Also, I heard this song this week by a Taiwanese musician released in the 70s. I wish like hell I could share this song with my dad, because he'd love it. I can't share it with him, so I am sharing it will all of you instead. If you ever heard Teen Dance Music from China and Malaysia at our house, this is a similar kind of sound, also from the 70s.
"Lover's Tears" by Yao Su Rong
Grits Souffle
Terry's Recipe, ( adapted from the Cheese or Spinach Souffle recipe in the Joy of Cooking)
This makes a casserole dish full-4 to 6 servings
Preheat your oven to 350
Boil 3 cups of water
add a few dashes of Tamari and a few bay leaves and some pepper and a little olive oil while it's heating up
When the water is rolling slowly whisk in one cup of yellow grits *
continue to stir with the whisk till youare sure it's smooth
these grits cook up fast so once they start back boiling turn the heat down a bit so it doesn't sploosh out on you
When the grits are done pour them into a mixing bowl so they can start to cool
and while they are cooling
grease your casserole dish with butter or whatever
separate 3 or 4 eggs and fluff up the whites to - you know- stiff but not dry.
Sometimes the grits get a little stiff whle they are cooling so you can add a little milk just to keep them flexible and cool them off at the same time.
So now grate some cheese into the grits and stir it in.
Taste the souffle'. If it tastes cheesy enough stop adding cheese.
Beat the egg yolks "til lemony" then add them into the stiffened whites
then when the grits are cool enough add the eggs and ,as they say, "Fold" the eggs into the grits
When they are sufficiently mixed pour the batter into your casserole dish using a rubber spatula to scrap the last of it out.
Grate a bit of cheese on top of the souffle but don't make a thick coating. You want the steam to be able to seep it's way out of the souffle' while making it rise.
You can top it off with a few shakes of paprika. (WB note: I always put old bay on top too)
Put it into the oven for about a half hour. You can start checking it after about 20-25 minutes. You'll know when its done.
If you are not too hungry it's good to break the top and let the steam escape and let the souffle' firm up a bit.
It's a good side dish or brunch item but we just mostly have it as a main course on a cool evening with a nice salad, french bread and red wine. (WB note: I never have it with wine)
Well I know that was a bit more dreary than usual, but hey that's the grieving process for you! Anyway, make the souffle, it's really quite good. Maybe next week I'll do the fancy cake I made for noah's birthday, but honestly it looked (and tasted) so good that it sort of seems like showing off to send it out.
Are there any recipes I should try? Are there any recipes you'd like to see come into your mailbox? I'm open to suggestions, and am trying to foster a sense of community by asking you open ended questions. (I love the responses I have been getting).