Crushing depression, and (vegan) meringues
Passover is but 6 days away!
Do you ever just fuck up really bad? I mean, of course you do, you’re reading this, you’re human. (well, maybe? hello bot followers!) I, as a human, screw up quite often. It can be incredibly hard to take self-made disasters in stride, and think of them not as some sort of moral failing (I mean, sometimes they are, but that’s a different story). In the past week I gave someone terrible instructions on the subway, sending them the opposite direction of where they needed to be, and I had it pointed out to me that I messed up big time at work. This week I’ve completely failed at doing my homework, or being at all prepared for class, and I’ve been rude for no reason.
Also, this week, I made this fucking pavlova.
Sometimes when I have a catastrophic kitchen failure I take it as a sign that actually I am terrible at the things I think I am good at. This is, I think, probably related to my chronic depression. When I am in a deep and profound depressive episode everything is a sign that I should die. This is all to say, this weekend, I made an awful vegan pavlova, and I didn’t hate myself, I didn’t think “what if I jumped in front of a train?” It’s a sign that my medication is working, which is very dope. This is not to say that I wasn’t massively annoyed that the recipe was a failure, but I didn’t hate myself for failing, and what can be better than that?
Anyways, don’t make this pavlova. OR if you do (don’t) probably use no more than 2 tablespoons of strawberry powder, and no cream of tartar. Also maybe add a tablespoon of tapioca starch or something. (But really, don’t make this recipe). Also, your failures are not a referendum on your soul.
What I’m reading this week:
All about pepper After reading this I went to SOS Chefs and bought some Penja pepper, which is (I say in the least dramatic way possible) lifechanging.
Unlike the Eiffel Tower, to which the Vessel has been unfathomably compared, the Vessel is just tall enough to make you feel bad for not hiking up it. To climb the Eiffel Tower is equally pointless, but its sheer size makes taking the elevator the de facto, socially normalized experience. The elevators of the Vessel and their lackluster architectural integration belie the architectural profession’s view of accessibility as a code-enforced concession rather than an ethos, a moral right to architecture for all.
More about the fucking “vessel”
A beautiful story about why water boiled fish doesn’t taste like it did in Beijing.
What’s a b’nai mitzvah? (It’s like a bar mitzvah, but, you know, trans.)
Cooking this week: an experimental vegan strawberry pavlova
This is a new recipe, it’s adapted from this vegan pavlova recipe, but realistically, mine is fairly different, and could be much worse! (ETA: dear reader, it was)
A lot of vegan pavlovas seem to approach the subject as though we have a great desire to taste the bean. I do not wish to taste the bean. (yeah yeah chickpeas aren’t beans whatever) Anyway, I typically make a chocolate pavlova for passover, which is, I must say, enduringly popular, but this year I wanted to try to accommodate the vegans.
A lot of pavlovas rely on toppings. Not this one. Also, as I am writing this my pavlova has not yet baked so maybe I will discover that this was a mistake! Oh well! (I wrote the header text for this recipe in a simpler time, when all I had to go on was the fact that my pavlova mixture LOOKED like a pavlova and also tasted amazing)
Vegan Strawberry Pavlova
1.2 oz freeze dried strawberries (this was the size of one bag)
liquid of 1 can of unsalted chickpeas (about 3/4 cup)
1 cup sugar
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1/4 tsp five spice powder (optional)
a generous pinch of salt
1 tsp balsamic vinegar (red or white wine would also do)
1 tsp vanilla extract
Turn oven to 275. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
In a food processor, or other grinding device, pulverize your freeze dried strawberries as much as possible. You want a fine powder. Once you’ve got it as small as you can, sieve out whatever big chunks, and whatever seeds you can. No need to be really particular about it, some seeds will stay in. Add the five spice, salt, and cream of tartar to this bowl. Whisk.
In a mixer (a stand mixer is… truly tops here) begin whisking the chickpea water. Once you get soft peaks (4-5 minutes, perhaps), add the sugar, one spoonful at a time. Wait until the sugar has been incorporated until you add more. Whisk on a high speed until you get shiny stiff peaks. As you have probably seen on bake off, the goal is to be able to lift it over your head. For gods sake do not do this. Mine was still a bit too slippery for that, but you want to be able to tilt the bowl and see very very little slide.
Sprinkle the powders over the top, along with the vinegar and vanilla. Fold it together, being careful not to knock the air out. Be gentle.
Scrape it onto a baking sheet, smoothing it into a kind of circle if you like. Put it in the oven. Bake for an hour?
Anyway, these are the steps to follow to make one of the least effective pavlovas… ever. Tasted delicious though.
Here are a few thoughts about why it didn’t work:
Maybe too much acidity?
Maybe there were too many strawberries?
Maybe aquafaba is wetter than egg whites (idk) and that’s why the pavlova was actually just goo?
Maybe it needed some sort of corn starch/tapioca starch/something?
This one is a mystery, but I am sharing it because it was an experiment, so why not?